Panic! Panic! Panic!

Now that H1N1 is a national emergency, I am officially proposing a list of silly ways to deal with the H1N1 virus (aka "Swine flu").

#1: Run in a tight circle and scream, "We're all going to die! Aaaiieee!!!"
#2: Adopt a "shower-in, shower-out" policy and install a decontamination unit in your front porch.
#3: Contact poison control before eating any pork.
#4: Rinse said pork in Pine-Sol solution before preparation, just in case. It makes a zesty marinade also.
#5: Only go outside on days that are below 0 degrees Fahrenheit. That should be cold enough to kill the virus.
#6: Tell your friends and neighbors you will catch up with them sometime next year.
#7: Quarantine your work space with plastic sheeting.
#8: Notify the CDC every time you see someone cough.
#9: Head down to the Y2K bunker and live on MREs and bottled water for a few months.

Now, a list of sensible ways to deal with the H1N1 virus.

#1: Wash your hands.
#2: Get enough sleep to keep your immune system strong.
#3. Minimize contact between your hands and face in general. Specifically, don't pick your nose.
#4. Drink lots of water. It keeps your body running well all over.
#5. Don't smooch people who have H1N1 influenza.

You may have noticed that the things on the second list are things you should actually be doing already. Well if you are, then congratulations; you are already minimizing your chances of getting sick. I know it seems boring in a way; no magic air sterilizer, no protective shampoo, no flu detox kit, no herbal tea. In fact, you can do a lot for yourself and spend absolutely no money at all.

The key in this whole fiasco is this: fear. Observe some current headlines:

"H1N1 Fears Fill Emergency Rooms." (WCCO, Minneapolis)
"H1N1 Fears Drive Seasonal Flu Shot Shortage." (WBAL, Baltimore)
"H1N1 Fears Overburdening Local Hospital." (KPTV, Washington)
"H1N1 fears lead to rush on Tamiflu." (Washington Post)
"Soccer players warned over spitting amid H1N1 Fears." (Vancouver Sun) -- An interesting twist...
"Fears of Web clogs during major H1N1 outbreak. (MSNBC) --Aren't people with the flu supposed to sleep?

Fear is a powerful thing, unfortunately. Stirred by the media, fed by ignorance. I would submit that the fears of H1N1 are more dangerous than the virus itself. The mortality rate of H1N1 is currently around 0.007 percent to 0.045 percent, according to Dr. Marc Lipsitch of Harvard University. So if it isn't that dangerous, then why all the hoopla? My guess is, it makes great news. Because of this, it won't be going away anytime soon. So go wash your hands, then continue on with life.